Hi Nancy,
I tried to respond to you via PM but that didn't work, so I will reply here. First, I am so sorry you are facing this horrible outcome. My husband died just over a month ago, and it does not get any easier (at least not yet). There are many different ways that people die from oral cancer, not all of them are gruesome. My husband passed away in his sleep five weeks into palliative chemo. It was a surprise that he left us quite that fast, but when I think of how he could have gone, I am very thankful that he went the way he did. I have a blog also, if you click on my name and select homepage you can read it.I don't know if it will help you any or not, but I know that reading Cookie's blog was very helpful to me at the time. Again, there are many here who know what you are going through and we are here for you. Feel free to PM me if you would like to. One thing I must ask is, why is Steve in so much pain? He should have access to whatever pain meds he needs to be comfortable. At the end my husband was on a Fentanyl patch along with Percocets for breakthrough pain. PLEASE get him adequate pain relief. If Steve is like most men, he will not tell the Drs. how much pain he is really in, so you need to be his advocate. I wish you well, Nancy. You have a hard road ahead, but you can get through it and we are all here to help.
Lori