Raymond,

Stay Strong. Don't give in to dark thoughts you are stronger than that. Get with your Drs for some anxiety meds if you need to. Remember in order to win this battle you have to fight. Surgery is your first step. There are lots of folks aroung here that have been where you are at. We are all pulling for you, some of us will pray others will think good thoughts. You'll need to do the same. Stay positive and you'll stay stong.