Wayne, you are NOT making too much of this. This monster takes more from us than just tissue, as we all know. I can see that for you your work was pretty definitive of who you are. Your talents and your personality were all invested there, and, obviously, very successfully. To lose this part of your life, is almost like losing a part of yourself. Also, I find that often, high achievers like you have not developed interests outside their work, ----I don't know if this applies to you or not---but that adds to the bereft feeling when the work disappears, for one reason or another, even a planned retirement.

You are obviously a brilliant guy, and if, indeed, you don't go back to the airport position, you WILL find another, perhaps even more rewarding, place to invest yourself. With the talent you have, you WILL begin that search immediately. Lucky the people upon whom your decision falls!!

You might first, though....as David said.....pursue the airport position a bit more. If the airport administrative decision-makers are not the ones saying that you can't return, and if the doctors are saying that your foot-drop is the primary problem, and nothing that affects your overall health, then get an expensive motorized personal transporter device, tie a flag on it, and show them that you can get around that airport better than ever!

If, indeed, you truly can't make it back to the airport now, I hope that you'll be on the lookout for depression as you adjust to the "new normal." I hope you'll use that good brain to realize that such a loss is a very real loss and a very real cause for grieving, and have a visit or two with a counselor who will walk with you through the transition.

This makes me mad!!! You have been through hell, and I feel that part of what helped you to get through it has been the expection....the goal...of returning to the work that you love and are so talented at.

You have made it through this terrible year....and you will make it through this loss too, if indeed you are forced to retire. The same determination that got you through your health issues will work for you here, after you get adjusted to the idea.

Please keep us posted on what you decide to do. Maybe this would be a good time to make good use of the time and do something that you have not been able to do because of work and health issues.

.and if you want to rant again.....don't hesitate. We're good listeners!!!!!!!

Colleen--T-2N0M0 SCC dx'd 12/28/05...Hemi-maxillectomy, partial palatectomy, neck dissection 1/4/06....clear margins, neg. nodes....no radiation, no chemo....Cancer-free at 4 years!