yeah sorry I went off it's just that I just seem backed into the corner. A lot of people have a lot of thoughts concerning cancer and smoking and I know it isn't good to smoke. But my health is going for a shit anyway. I seem to be having more troubles (other than cancer which is a big one) than when I smoked. It just seems like no matter how good you are trying to be. How you try to avoid contaminents you can't. I am just frustrated and very scared. When I go up to visit my kids and my friend walk into a fog of smoke. I can't even sit with them and visit. Weather it is good for them or not it is still their right. It isn't fair that I can't visit without infringing on their rights. It is their home. It is too dam cold outside to visit outside like we could in the summer. I am feeling a bit trapped with this and am not sure where to turn. I guess this ordeal and the fear of re-occurances have terrified me period. I am having a bit of a falling appart period but it doesn't last long for the most part. I KNOW it is for the best and it will help. I am just not seeing it right now. It is one of those beliefs that you just have to believe without seeing...Thanks for letting me vent Just having a bad go of things.