Dianne:

How are ya?

Sounds like its been a bit of a rough time for you. Im so sorry to hear that. Seems like you had gotten off easily, but I had been concerned that it might not be that easy. OC is rough, no matter what the treatment. One thing you need to know, its ok to be weak, to cry, to need help, everybody does sometimes.

Oral cancer and many other serious diseases affect so many things. OC turned me into a crying blubbering mess at times. Heres a little background on me. I have alwasy been overly independant, raised 2 children alone without help from anyone. No family, nobody helped me, parents died when I was young, I had no one, I divorced when my oldest was only 3. He chose not to participate in my childrens lives which may have been for the best. If I needed something in my house fixed, I paid somebody to do it or did it myself. Every single responsibility was up to me. I worked hard at raising my family to be the best that we possibly could. I was both mom and dad, my children were very well rounded. I taught then everything I could, fishing, cooking, horseback riding, ice skating, boating, swimming, you name it, we did it. This independance made me very strong mentally, I could handle anything, or so I thought.

So please dont feel bad one bit about not feeling how others think you should. Mentally its very difficult and alot of people need help by taking meds or seeking a professional to speak with. Your husband may need some help dealing with this too. Alot of caregivers will need the same type of help, again nothing to be ashamed of. Some ego's dont deal very well with needing assistance. Maybe its your husbands way of handling things by spending time away. Physical labor for some helps them to cope with reality.

Hope I didnt bore you too much by rambling on. Just trying to help you see a different opinion. Great job with quitting smoking. If nothing else, you accomplished this and also have a ton of new computer pals in your corner