Here I am, 14 months post treatment, and I really have very little to complain about, all things considered. My neck is perpetually stiff, shoulders hurt, but I am cancer free. So, why do I periodically become a psychological basket case.

Recently, I had to have a follow-up CT Scan of my chest, arising from a lung scan I had a few years ago that showed a few nodules. All of the exams since have shown them slowly disappearing, so I had no objective reason to be concerned, but this time I was a basket case, convinced I had metastasis to the lung. I think part of the reason was that the neck/shoulder stiffness sometimes radiates into the chest, but geez . . . Needless to say, CT came back fine and my regular follow up with MO on Friday was fine as well.

I also seem to be obsessing over small memory lapses I have noticed -- nothing dramatic, just the periodic searching for a name that I have on the tip of my tongue. Again, I am convinced that this is some sign of something dire, though there is nothing objective to support that. I know that Cisplatin can cause this, even long after treatment is over, but my mind searches for more ominous causes.

This has not been a constant phenomenon with me, but periodically it just grabs hold and won't let go, like it has for the past few weeks. I'm not a lot of fun to be around when I have this happening, let me tell you.

Am I just slowly going crazy? Sometimes the cumulative impact of the battle, even when you are winning it, seems to be a bit overwhelming, and I am not, as a rule, a guy that gets overwhelmed easily.

Sorry for the diatribe. Just needed to get that off my chest, so to speak. ;-)