Daughter, you are going thru a long hard time. Read the post from Tedsdaughter, who just passed away. She is such a caring daughter and you seem to be too. I lost my mom to cancer a few years ago and all you can do is keep all of the good memories fresh in your mind without dwelling on them. It gets to a person once in awhile but we fight thru it and go on living and enjoying life. I hope your Mom doesn't suffer needlessly.