Personally, I prefer the 'brutal' approach to soft-soap, because it gets you right through the Denial stage of grief, but I can also appreciate that the shock is more severe for some than for others.

When I went to get the results of my biopsy after 2 1/2 years of clean scans and biopsies, my friend came along -- The ENT announced that new cancer was inside my tongue and that I would have to have the free flap done -- I started asking questions about it, and we started arrangements for the MRI/CAT/PET scans for the surgeon.

Afterwards, my friend said he didn't know how I could just take that kind of news and start right in making arrangements -- That HE almost broke down and cried -- I told him I was glad he didn't because it would have embarrassed all of us <grinz>. Truth was, I had been subconsciously prepared for the bad news, esp the way my tongue was continually swelling, so the announcement really just confirmed my expectation.