Dear Cray,

I don't have any perfect answers for you, but I can at least offer you a sincere cyber hug and let you know that although it may seem like it, you aren't alone. There is a big group of people here on OCF pulling for you and your husband, people who do understand the pain, lonliness, heartache, fear, and despair you are feeling right now. And we all care.

I would urge you to get in to talk with somebody, your physician, a social worker, a priest/rabbi/pastor, a therapist - - somebody who will listen and help you sort out your feelings and get a handle on how you will be able to handle tomorrow.

It's obvious to that you are a very capable and loving spouse. As you said, you've worked hard to handle all the details for months and months. You have educated yourself and been a great caregiver and advocate for your husband, and you should feel proud of yourself for all that you have done already. I'm so sorry that you are feeling sad and alone, but I again would urge you to find some emotional support. Talk to those friends and family members bluntly if you must and tell them what you need and how you feel. Continue to talk with the doctors about your husband's "chemo brain" and see if they have further suggestions.

And do try to take at least a few moments for yourself today. Treat yourself with something that will make you feel better and is just for you - an ice cream cone, time alone with a good book, a walk, a funny movie. And know that there are strangers out here who care and support you, and wish they could do more to help.

-Tricia