This journey started just before Christmas. I have tried to be the educated caregiver. I have handled all the bills, appointments, missed too much work, and questioned doctors beyond their expectations. I pay all the pills and make sure he doesn�t take too many meds. He cant keep up with any thing. His chemo brain is so bad, I wonder if there is brain damage. He has 10 doctors and half of them are jerks and some of them I couldn�t live without.

I feel all alone and friends and family seem to be pulling away. I never thought this would happen and I can�t imagine doing this to them.

I just got in a huge shouting match with one of my closest friends. This is the loneliest feeling in the world and I just want to go hide and cry.

Yesterday was our 25th wedding anniversary and it was one of the saddest days of my life.

cray