Stephen, I just have to answer you. I very well remember the night before surgery. I was out of town....had only met my surgeon late that afternoon, and he suggested that we go ahead with surgery the next morning. TOO fast! I lay awake in that hotel room thinking exactly what you have been thinking....

You WILL wake up. Don't even think about that.

I had a partial maxillectomy and partial palatectomy. I was sooooo afraid the night before.......and even after my husband went to sleep, I stayed awake, worrying, and writing in a notebook in the dark. Oh, I was such a sad, scared girl!

But, as you said, the wheels are in motion, and you've made whatever decisions were yours to make, and now all is in the hands of your surgeon and your God. I hope that you will try to sleep some tonight, even though you will get a good nap tomorrow.

Do you have a mild sleeping pill in the house? Don't take anything that's on your do-not-take list (mostly aspirin-based products .....read the list)....but please don't stay up all night alone worrying.

I think you'll find a new resolve when the sun comes up. The day will have begun, and you have no choice but to go through with this. You can wish that you didn't have to do it.....I sure did!!....but you know that you do, and you will find the strength to do it.

You will be in ICU the first night to be certain that you don't have any dangerous swelling. I didn't have any at all, and my surgery was in the exact location as yours.

I, also, did not need radiation or chemo, for which I am thankful, even though I begged for them at the time. I wanted to know that I had done all I could. They said that my case shouldn't call for it, and that if I ever had a recurrence....which they didn't expect me to have....i would still have a weapon to use--radiation.

You will do fine, and I am certain that after a certain period of time, you can have a fairly simple reconstruction done. If a person has to have this stuff, it sounds like you.....and I also..have been luckier than most, thank God. And I do. Often.

So, Stephen, I hope you read this before your surgery, but if you don't, you'll know that a Louisiana girl was thinking about you during your long night and your morning of surgery.

Vaya con Dios!

Write to us when you get home.

XOX--Colleen