Carol,
I'm so sorry, you've been through a lot already. It can take a few days sometimes for people to get online and read the board. Don't loose heart, you are in the right place for compassion, and as many answers as possible. There are a few people that I can think of that could help more than others, one is JulieKay, who lost her husband Rich who chose no treatment. I understand your fear, and that you are heart broken. This is a scary situation for you and your mom. There may be ways, if it is a tumor, to shrink it without causing her a lot of problems. Many folks here would say, it isn't cancer until the doctors say it is. You're doing the right thing by researching and learning all you can, and by reaching out. Please give the folks here a chance to read and respond, they surely will. Fear of the unknown is the worst, I hope you get your answers and comfort you need to make peace with whatever you are facing.