Michelle,

Hope you were able to nap. Your nightmares will get better, I think. You are still in a state of shock and your body and mind are still trying to make sense of it all...kind of like post traumatic except it isn't "post" yet. I do think you will do better once things are in place and treatment starts...you will feel more in control.

I am grateful to God for a very strong psyche...never suffered from depression or anxiety problems...always able to handle the bad times fairly well. For some crazy reason, the day we saw Bill's RO for the first time, I started feeling very weird in the car and by the time we got to the office, I was in, what I think, was a major panic attack. I was sweating, couldn't catch my breath, felt dizzy and out of control....really....panicky! Hasn't happened before or since but that day, I had no control over what was happening to me. I was able to calm down before we saw the doc but, whew, it was out of nowhere. Several weeks after Bill started his treatment, I started thinking about how I felt in the beginning...like, "we aren't supposed to be here".."this happens to other people." By this time, Bill and I had become comfortable with the visits..meeting folks in the same boat...seeing familiar faces. It does get better, your mind somehow accepts the situation as normal and then you just get thru it.

So, you are smart to rest when you can and know that you are normal in your response to this very scary ordeal.

Deb