Dear Dixie, it seems that you and I have some things in common. I lost my 82 yr old Mom,[ who was in fairly good health] to a hip fracture. She died within 2 mo. of her fall. It took me a long time to get over that. And my hubby and I experienced many of the challanges you are dealing with now. The strain of dealing with the trach and not being able to communicate by voice, the responsibility of keeping up with the meds and nutritional needs, the sleeping with one ear open to be able to hear him will wear you down. Remember this-- nurses in hospitals work SHIFTS-- you are on duty 24\7 !! If you can manage it, please get some relief a few hours a week by bringing someone in to help with daily chores and you leave the house- go get a massage, a pedicure, a facial or something. We were in a different situation than you in one respect. We knew John was not going to survive the cancer so my responsibility became to keep him as comfortable and pain free as possible and spend as much quality time together as we could. I had promised him that he would not die in a hospital and I kept that promise. But I had Hospice nurses and family helping me for the last month or I would not had been able to do it. Just please think-if you really unravel-who will pick up the pieces? You must take care of yourself. Please e-mail or pm me if you want to talk further. There is alot of good help on this forum. Amy in the Ozarks