Hi guys. I had taken a break from the list for about 4-5 months, I believe the last post I had made was when my jaw bone was exposed and believed I was going to be going under more surgery and hyperbaric chamber treatments. I was in the midst of a military move when the doctor discovered this, after we moved to the new home it just healed up on it's own. I felt extremely blessed and lucky.

I guess I should give a quick background on myself since it's been awhile. I was diagnosed with small salivary gland cancer in right retromolar area, October 2006 it was classified as mucoidepidermal carcinoma low to intermediate grade. Had clear borders but had neural involvement. I under went 30 Imrt treatments and finished those in Feb 2007. It's been an extremely tough year. My daughter has cystic fibrosis and her disease alone is more than I can handle, cancer wasn't something I had room in my life for. Ofcourse, who does? On top of my cancer, my daughter's hospitalizations,surgery, my husband's grandmother fell and broke her neck in 3 places (she is doing extremely well considering), my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer last month. So, Ive had non stop stress for this past year which brings me to today.

Last Thursday, I went in for my monthly follow up with my new ent/head&neck specialist. He did his exam, scoped down my nose etc. Everything was fine and normal. Oh, I also went the previous week into the dentist and had my teeth cleaned and nothing was mentionable or noticable. Anyhow, last Friday I felt like the top of my mouth /pallate was a bit sore. Felt like the beginning of a canker sore/ulcer. Saturday I had a lump and mouth was really sore. I began to freak out, by Tuesday I was having panic attacks so I thought it would be best to go back into the doctor. Did that yesterday, and the Dr. said it could be an ulcer but given my history with cancer he felt it best to be biopsied. And done under anesthesia. He said if I hadn't had cancer that he would send me home for a couple weeks to see if it would go away on it's own. Im still extremely confused that a lump would just appear so quickly without me, the dentist, or the doctor noticing....like I said 2 days after a check up. I also wonder if the spray he put down my nose irritated my mouth, I tasted it when he sprayed my nose and like I said mouth was irritated the following morning.

Im very frightened. Having panic attacks, worried about going through more and worried about being around to care for my daughter who has a chronic, progressive disease. I asked him for something for my anxiety and he wouldn't write anything for me. Im having a hard time sleeping, and functioning. Hard not to cry in front of my daughter who senses and understands more than I want her to.

Im scheduled for surgery on Tuesday. Oh, I also may have to have fiber optic interbation (sp) since I have limited mobility of my jaw. Has anyone had this done? Please tell me your experience with this. I apologize that this is long, I know Im probably babbiling a lot...thought I posted last night and fell asleep while I was writing is. Guess I didn't post ... If anyone else has experienced anything like what Im going through right now, please respond.