Hi. I need some help please. I know this is going to be long and I apologize in advance, but I need some real-life input, as opposed to Dr and Nurse Practioner input.

My mom finished treatments four weeks ago today. She lives at my house so that she could be close to the hospital for treatments. (My husband is a saint.) I don't even know where to start. She does not want to get out of bed, makes no effort to do anything to get herself better, will not speak (she has a trache, but also has a speaking valve that she could use if she wanted to), does not want to see anyone other than me and my sister, who helps care for her every other week, does not read, only goes for one tiny walk outside a day (and that is with a HUGE fight), and just flat out refuses to do anything to make herself get any better. She has a peg tube and will not do her own feedings and waits for one of us to get up in the middle of the night if she is coughing and needs meds or just needs to sit up in bed. If she vomits, which still happens occassionally, mostly from mucous, she just waits for me and hands me the pail full of mucous.

I realize it will take awhile for her to get back to herself, but she has become, and helped herself become, so weak that she can barely walk a few steps. The plan was to have her go back and live in her own house on October 1. My sister has been using FMLA leave and my job has been more supportive and flexible than I ever would have imagined, always with the thought that about 6 weeks after treatment she would be back at home. At this rate I honestly believe that if I took a year off of work or even quit she would be in the same state a year from now. She just makes no effort. The current plan is to get a live in nurse for her to have at her house starting mid October after her scans. She does not like the idea, but I think it will be the only way for her to get better.

Is this type of behavior and lack of caring on her part normal? She does not even wipe up her own mucous. She is on Zoloft as well as anxiety meds (along with the rest of the normal arsenal of meds). Any thoughts on what I should do? Is this normal?

I really appreciate any and all help anyone can provide. Am I being unrealistic that she should make an effort at this point - 4 weeks out?

Thank you, thank you, thank you. I don't know what I would do without all of the knowledge on these boards.

Amy