Sharon,
I can relate and sympathize with you on the shock and disbelief you and your husband went through at the visit with the ENT. Being presented with a neck dissection as the next step after treatment just stunned us as well.
What I found helpful was reviewing the Treatment Protocols. From the OCF home page-to treatments- to Guidelines during Treatment-to PDF file for Professionals. I did not understand everything, but I could match up my husbands situation to the treatments thus far and the outcomes up to the point of that ENT visit. Many points along the Protocol involved more than one way to proceed. Each choice was backed up with studies, presentations, trials and how much weight to give to each backup.
The next visit with the ENT we brought this paperwork with us. I had it highlighted with what pertained to my husband. When the ENT saw we had this, he took more time to discuss with us his statagies. He explained how my husband's unique as a individual big picture played into his treatment decisions. Which is exactly what the Treatment Guidelines urge the clinicians to do. Each person is different and medicine is an art as well as a science. Some decisions are a gamble, and they have to weigh individual situations to decide.
This talk helped us to feel a part of the decicion making process. We gained much confidence in him by being involved and educated from his proffesional standpoint.
Talk to your ENT and ask her to help you with these questions you have. You want to have confidence about your doctor.
Keep in mind your husband's situation may require immediate action.
Ginny