What a wonderful support you all are. Nellie- you are right. I need to eat in front of him.He doesn't want to go out or have anyone over- but you are right - I am the first step. In the beginning of september ,he was able to swallow cream soups and it was going well. The wire accident has sent us back- and it is like starting over. I think it is this as much as anything(up-down- up- down) that is so hard. he was dilated again today and they are going to do it every week. His outburst, saying he has ruined my life and the crying(while it destroyed me) I think helped us- he was able to express his emotions and I was so focused on his being angry and feeling hopeless about himselfthat I hadn't thought of his feelings about me-guilt- What kind of social worker am I?
I wrote saturday night becuase I was feeling so helpless and alone. Your responses are helping me get back in the ring again. I do have all the patience and time in the world for gil. he is the best thing that has ever happened to me and he knows this. The new norma is fine I just need him to be apart of it with me.
P.S.We got home from the hospital about 2:30pm. The ro called about an hour ago and said the PET scan showed no sign of cancer anywhere in his body- & months since his last treatment. He acted like he didn't even hear it. I let out war hoops and did a little dance. Thats' always him and thats always me. He and I fell in love even so.. Thank you