I found out that I was cancer free 10 weeks ago. I should be on top of the world but I'm not. I had 2 mouth surgeries and a neck dissection. I did not have to have chemo or radiation. As far as cancer goes, I was lucky.
I have tried to throw myself back into my life and put the cancer behind me. It just isnt working. I have this overwhelming fear that the cancer will come back. I am constantly online looking up my type of cancer. I am obsessed with looking in my mouth for new spots.
My friends and family think I am crazy. To them, everything is back to normal. To me, my nightmare has just begun. I think that when I was going through the surgeries, I was focused on my recovery. Now, I have this fear that if this cancer doesnt come back, another one will. I dont see myself growing old. I feel like I will be lucky if I see my 8 year old graduate from high school.
Is this normal? Will these feelings ever go away? Does anyone else feel this way?