Hello DSC,

My heart goes out to you. I too am a caregiver, (to my mom) but I have no doubt that dealing with a spouse is much harder than a parent. He is the one you choose to spend your life with, made all your plans with and want to grow old with. The fear, frustation, confusion and anger are familar to all of us though. A husband of a friend of mine is a 5 year survivor of cancer and I remember her saying when he was diagnosed that when you hear the word "cancer" you are sucked into a whole different world that "outsiders" just don't get. Well, she was right, I did not "get it" until now. People ask questions, mean well, and offer help, but sometimes it just doesn't help much.

When others say it will get worse before it gets better, they aren't kidding. But there are things that you can do to help....like others have said, nutrition and hydration are BIG. You will probably have to fight your husband to keep him eating and drinking, but if he isn't Brian is so right...a PEG may be needed and dont wait too long...things can go down hill fast. My mom really did NOT want the PEG but thank God she listened to the doc and agreed to one before treatment started, as she quit eating about 2-3 weeks into her 7 weeks of treatment. Someone had posted here about putting a humidifier in the room and we tried it and it really helped with the mouth dryness at night in bed. Another thing that helped was Biotene toothpaste (does not have the drying agent most toothpastes have) and mouth wash. One thing I did not hear our docs address much was mouth care as far as bacteria build up. When your saliva glands are not working there is nothing to continually wash the bacteria out of your mouth, and if your husband stops drinking much orally all that nasty stuff sits in his mouth....the Biotene helps with that too....I would suggest you really keep on him about drinking water orally though....my mom did not keep up with that and is still having difficulty swallowing 10 weeks later....like her Doc said, if she had forced herself to drink more during treatment, she would be doing better now. Hard to do, but really it does help.

Is there a support group at the treatment center you are at? If so, you might want to use it. Some, like myself, have a hard time letting it out with strangers face to face, thats why reading posts here have helped so much. Journaling might be helpful too. Writing about your feelings, reading it and throwing it out afterwards can be theraputic too!

Hang in there....you can get through this...and you are so right...This too shall pass...not fast enought, but it will pass, I promise.

God Bless,
Patti