Thank you so much to Didier, Cindy and JAM,
for your thoroughness and for your eloquence. These are indeed what we are looking for in the book. The responses used will identify you by first name and state. Please let me know if you do not want your words published.

Re questions 8 and 10--taking on all my spouses responsibilities and being in charge of everything: Tom and I decided early on that our friends and family needed a way to help us. So we made a list of things that needed doing and updated it regularly. When someone asked, "What can I do?" we would show them or refer to the list. It was a great help to us and kept them involved, especially since during the most rigorous part of Tom's treatment, our older son was married. We held the rehearsal dinner for 75 in our backyard which wouldn't have been possible without the extra helping hands. And now we are grandparents!

As Cindy said, there are no realy answers to these questions, only experiences. Share yours with us.
Thanks,
Charlotte