I am willing to take a shot at some of these since I have been a caregiver to a very sick spouse for 15 months :
Quest. #2. Being able to work during treatment will depend a great deal on what the treatment is [and what kind of work one does] If it is radiation or a combo of radiation and chemo, some patients can continue working at a reduced pace, while others will not be able to work during and prehaps for months after treatment. Cancer treatment is very tiring and the body needs alot of rest to get through it.
Quest. #3 This is different for each patient
Quest #4. Hopefully you, as a caregiver, will have at least one of the following resourses abailable to you. A: Supportive family members who can help lessen your load. B: A best friend to whom you can vent or with whom you can cry.
C: A family Doc. who knows you well and will help you when you are stressed. D: I has been my personal experience that I didn't need attention-I just need SLEEP!
Quest #5. When you start to resent being the caregiver, it is time to remove yourself from the situation for awhile. If you have the resourses mentioned above, you should be getting some breaks.
Quest #6. If you love the person you are caring for, you will likely not only feel depressed, but also mad, frustrated and helpless that you can't fix this problem. If those feeling get overwhelming, you must find someone to talk to and you should seek help from a professional.
Quest #7. At the beginning of this overwhelming battle [that's what it is], you need to start gathering from the best sources available, OCF being one, all the knowledge you can so you can understand what is being said and ask intelligent questions. You need to listen very carefully to the Doctors, you need to take good notes, you need to get very organized about your life in general to free up time to deal with this. When treatment starts, you need to keep an accurate journal of everything that is going on [refer to section______]Depending on how many Docs are involved, you need to be able to call the appropriate one when you need him. Don't take "no" for an answer if you know your spouse needs something. And the most difficult of all [for me at least] is not letting your "patient" talk you out of doing what is in his\her best interest.
Quest #8. A. Make a list of your spouse's responsibilities. B. Circle each one that has to be done. C. Mark through the ones that can slide for a while. D. Review the circled ones to see if that responsibility can be assumed by someone other than you [yard work, vehicle maintainance, carpool, shopping, etc.] Whatever is left on your list that can't be delegated will be yours to deal with one way or another. Get or hire help when you can.
Quest #9. In my opinion, the "balance" in our relationship of 18 years went out the window the day my spouse was diagnosed with SCC. The first and foremost concern for me has been to do everything within my power to help get him through this. I do not expect him to do anything but apply all of his energy toward getting well. Perhaps because he had such a tough time with radiation and then a second surgery and now chemo, I am viewing this differently than other spouses would.
Quest #10. Whether or not you are in charge of everything depends on how sick your spouse is and what his\her capabilities and energy level are. In our case, I find several times during the day to talk to my spouse [when he is awake and not in pain] about the general happenings in our life. I keep him up to date on things I know he cares about and I am careful not to bring stressful subjects up.
Quest #12. This is not a good question- too vague-
Quest #13. Dealing with the fear of recurrence is difficult and different for everyone.
To me it is more deciding to ask yourself this question each day - "Is my cup 1\2 empty or is my cup 1\2 full today?"
Quest #14. The first thing you need to do is be on a 1st name basis with your pharmacist! [no kidding] You will likely have many different meds for many different things. Get a notebook and start entering from the 1st med- what it is and what it is for, how long it was taken and if it worked. Keep that notebook up to date and make notes as to any side effects while taking it-[stomach upset, diarrhea, # of times refilled, didn't work, etc. I have had to clear 2 shelves in John's bathroom for meds. Also, if you have different Docs prescribing meds-be sure each knows what the other is doing.