Sara,
I sure don't have a magic "pill" for this But I will tell you my opinion from the patient perspective....he needs a reality check! Yes it sucks to be him pity pity etc. But to try to tell you he needs 150% and you aren't performing? I'd say too bad now get up and start living! Just how are you supposed to make him feel better?

If I had credentials I'd say he needs a better psychiatrist. Could be depression, could be many things but for sure it IS NOT YOU !!!!! You don't need to feel bad just because he seems to want you to feel bad. From what you have said I think you have more than one baby in the house. You didn't marry a baby.

I am certain that I was not always the best to be around when I was in treatments. I am also sure that I am not "quite right" even today. But even in my worst day I would have never blamed my wife for not doing enough. I don't believe you should put up with that behavior. Lay down the law, he is the only one that can change his thinking.

Mark, 21 Year survivor, SCC right tonsil, 3 nodes positive, one with extra-capsular spread. I never asked what stage (would have scared me anyway) Right side tonsillectomy, radical neck dissection right side, maximum radiation to both sides, no chemo, no PEG, age 40 when diagnosed.