I would say when she is in the hospital for one she feels secure and for two she gets tons of attention.
I know its your mother but you are going to have a melt down, lose your wife and your entire life trying to please someone who can't be pleased.

I would tell her either she gets up and gets on with it or I am commiting her to a home. I know that sounds harsh but sometimes tough love is the only way to go when all else fails. Once she knows you are really serious she may get a move on who knows.

I wish you strength,
Barb~