Petey,

Please take one thing at a time. Life becomes even harder when you allow mutiple issues to become a big jumble.

First, the doctors that have treated you pro bono do have their reputations on the line and I know they want to see you survive this. Their names and butts are on the line just as much as your life is on the line. Ask the appropriate questions about the different types of radiation, but if they truly think that old fashioned radiation is what is appropriate for you and your case, take their word as truth and go for your radiation. Press them for an answer regarding your two new lumps. You're entitled to their attention and an accurate answer or plan of action.

As far as your rubbish problem, a $100.- fine per week is a lot of money when you don't have it. Truthfully, it's not their problem that you just got around to trimming your property. Try to find a friend with a pick-up and have that friend bring all your cutoffs to the dump for you and give him $25. or $35. for his trouble and gas. We have sticky refuse rules here on Long Island too, but there's always a solution if you'd like to do it yourself. The dumps. We have all types of dumps here. One for household trash, one for contractors trash, one the landscapers use. Find that one and send a friend there with your stuff.

When life gets too hard, find yourself an AA meeting. They are everywhere. OK, the people may not know you and you may feel uncomfortable at first, but stay awhile and you'll find that peoples' problems are commmon problems wherever you go for a meeting. At least that's what I've found with my Anon group.

Lastly, ask for meds at your next visit!! How you've gotten through your post-surgery phase without some prescription pain relief, I don't know, but I do know you're going to need Rx help once you start radiation. Generic pain meds cost very little, especially the older ones. Have a heart-to-heart with your doctor and ask him to arrange with the hospital pharmacy to get you what you need. At least a minimal list of what you need.

One day at a time, one moment at a time, accepting hardship as a pathway to peace. Isn't that how it goes?

Hugs,
Lisa