Just love and hugs Karen--you so love your dad--I did mine too and as you say the 'expectation' doesn't help the reality--but 2 years on, can tell you that I treasure the 3 years I looked after him and the times I spent at his bedside and I'm certain he's in a place now where he's no longer suffering.
And well done for your attempts to help others--to take my mind off things, may look up my own 'herpes simplex' which has never gone away, as well as a bad bout of hep A in 1981. Gives me something else to focus on!
Stay strong and be proud of yourself for what you've done and the relationship you had--it will have meant a lot to him smile
Brenda

Brenda in UK--Diagnosis 30/5/07--undifferentiated carcinoma in right jawbone and muscles. Stage 4
6/7/07--new diagnosis primary is in lung. Finished 4cycles of palliative carboplatin/gemcitabine
therapy September 07
Now dying to live!