Vicki, as one caregiver to another [ and it sounds like you love your husband very much] I want to say that I'm thinking the shock you got when his cancer was diagnosed is now incorporated into your being. Hearing that a loved one has cancer sends us reeling into the unknown and most of us have no background to deal with it. Fear,anger,frustration and helplessness are just a tip of the iceburg of emotions that caregivers feel. I don't want to "assume feelings " for you, so I will tell you that in my case, when John got the 1st "all clear", I was on my knees saying "thank you", and at the same time wondering if we really were all clear. It turns out that we were not, so now we are in phase 2. Many people [and many of them are parcipitants on the forum] were fortunate to beat cancer the 1st time. But I am willing to bet that each of their caregivers or loved ones has been through a tremendous emotional turmoil during the treatment. Your "worries and negative feelings" are normal reactions to the threat you have faced with Jimmy and your life as you knew it. This has scared the hell out of you. It isn't going to be easy to do, but you[we] are going to have to find a new "us" and a new normal. The silver lining is that if this teaches us to look forward to and appreciate each and every day we spend together, we will have learned so much about what life, love and sharing means. My best to you. Be strong and be loving. Amy