Hello Everyone!
Had to break away for a few days and ingest everything and also let part of it go. We went to the MO last week, I shared that with you all...thanks to everyone who replied, your advice is always so helpful and I can't think of how to say thankyou for someone always being here when I need a friend!
We have decided to go with the RO and have the brachytherapy. It's amazing how much relief fell upon us as a whole. I know I was upset about how the MO spoke but, maybe, that is just his way of telling someone what he thinks could happen. I still don't appreciate how he did it, and the fury still sparks but I am finally a little more accepting of it all. I haven't really gotten on to see what this is all about, the RO described and explained everything, of course I'm sure that there is a whole lot more to be explained. I'm nervous, and I am more calm at the same time. The trouble I am having is that every so often I fall apart...I break down in tears, I get extremely angry and at times my heart feels like it is going to fly out of my chest. Yesterday the fact that my grandmother brought over her young dog sent me into such a snit. The dog got loose, a neighbor popped her head in the door to tell us nana's car windows were open and it was pouring rain, the dog ran out and right up to another dog that is known to hate other dogs. My mom came running out the door, very upset, getting pale and yelling for the dog. This mad me madder than a hornets nest! I told mom later that I was going to tell nana to keep her dog home. She told me I can't, it would hurt her feelings. I am so frustrated, I don't want the dog here, she is a nice little papillon, not trained well, runs and pees all over the hardwood floors...and who knows about the areas where there is carpeting. I have an old male bischon who feels a need to mark his territory...double cleanup! I want nana to feel comfortable visiting. I don't want to hurt her feelings...I don't want her dog here at this time. I'm also beside myself because everything is falling on me. I am trying to stay on top of all the housework, shopping, and mom...not to mention, i have the two girls. I said I wanted to make everything as easy as possible, all agree. I am left still to do most things...that is bull....I am left to do it all. I have gotten on my kids to pull their share but when the grandparents leave dirty dishes out and food...well, it doesn't leave a good example. I must sound awful. I am already tired and angry...I miss working, I miss my life is it's only been since April...If everyone doesn't start doing the little I ask I am going to really fall apart. I am just soooo angry. And selfish...and disappointed in myself.