Hi Kendra,

It is hard, but never more so than in the beginning stage that you are at now. You are not alone. Everything is scarey and uncertain at this point but you are already recognizing your own need to survive this experience, which is a big plus. You cannot make decisions for him - like whether to smoke or seek/comply with treatments and it's good to deal with that right up front. Offer support, love, opinions, research information for him but don't lose yourself in this process. You have a life that you also need to continue to live or you won't be able to help anyone. We all make choices throughout our lives, some good and some bad, but we can only take responsibility for what we do and not another person.

These are big adjustments for both of you and you should be prepared to experience a range of emotions - anger, fear, denial, taking it out on everyone around us to name a few. If you go to the home page of this website you will find tons of information on this disease that may help you put things in perspective.

Pace yourself for a long haul as that is what fighting cancer is. It's still a disease that none of us ever want to hear we have even with all the progress that has been made in treatment options and improved survival rates. Please keep reminding yourself that people do survive, and that although life will not be the same for either of you, there is a new normal that we can learn to adjust to.

I think we've all done our share of crying and that probably will continue as time goes on. It tends to hit you at the weirdest possible moments when you don't expect it. The good news is that it DOES get better, and the human spirit is capable of incredible adaptation.

I see from your other posts that insurance and finishing the diagnostic work up is also an issue so I'm sure that is complicating things. Following up with social workers on programs in Virginia for uninsured patients, short term disability etc. will help you sort that all out. Again your Dad also needs to take responsiibility for some of this so you can return to college. Does he have any family or friends down there that can help? Is he eligible for state medical assistance?

In the end none of us have any guarantees about whether treatments will work but we have reasonable expectations and hope based on the experience of others. There are frustrating side effects and rehabilitation with all these treatments and your Dad will need to commit to whatever he picks as his new job. This is about survival and that's the first choice he has to make.

Please let us know how it's going and ask the rest of the family or his friends to also help so that this doesn't fall on you alone.

Regards JoAnne