I have done my best to be strong thus far but with less than 24 hours before my first chemo and 48 hours to my first IMRT I must admit I am scared. I feel this obligation to be the big tough guy but the fact is my stomach is doing flip-flops, I'm biting my nails (which I've never done before) and I'm tossing and turning in my sleep.

I've done rock climbing. I've jumped out of an airplane before. I've gone almost 50mph on a mountain bike trail. And none of those things compare to the fear I have headed into this treatment.

Maybe I'll find that the anxiety/anticipation is worse than just starting. Maybe it will be the other way around, I don't know. The idea of being sick and in pain for 2,3, or more months is pretty intimidating.

I'm thankful for this site and for all I've learned reading page after page of posts from those of you who have already done this. I'm thankful for my beatiful wife who has been a source of incredible support. I suppose most everybody has a lot of mixed feelings going into the beginning of treatment and that's where I am tonight.

One thing I will know tomorrow, no matter how nervous that drive to the hospital will be, is that I'm not alone in this. I'm thankful for that.
-Steve