Minnie, I did the same in terms of giving in to my need to research. Doing that sort of thing, collecting information, sorting through it, drawing my own conclusions, is a strength of mine anyway so of *course* I'm going to want to use that strength to help myself when I have cancer. Or at least that's the way I came to see it.

Getting outside (I have a dog who needs a walk twice a day) was also important for my peace of mind. I also went to the movies a litle more often than usual--though I stayed away from the ones where someone dies young--as a distraction.

But Amy, I think it bears repeating that feeling the things you are feeling--including crying for a while-- is normal at this point. You're grieving over the loss of a life of health where you didn't have to think about the possibility of your own death very much. There is nothing like cancer to remind us how much we really don't have control over. That's not to say that you shouldn't fight off depression if you feel just immobilized by it--but the grief over loss of your former healthy-person life is something I think everyone goes through in some form or other.

Nelie