Hello Tom,

My name is Gina and this November marks one year since my treatments ended, surgery, IMRT radiation and chemo. I am finding it difficult to get emotionally involved with my friends or much of anything these days. I can fake it really well! Up until now it's been my secret i don't share with anyone. I don't think i allow myself to get emotionally invested in much of anything, I have to be ready to jump into the fire again and fight!


I also worry about it coming back, having to start the fight all over again, how will i handle it? The thought of putting my family through that hell and worry again keeps me up at night sometimes.

So everyday i wake up and start again, go to work, go to the gym, chat with my friends. But the whole time part of me is holding back, just trying to keep it together and not fall apart or show everyone how afraid i really am.

It is getting better a little, and everyday i look forward and hope i feel better. How do you stop thinking about it? I really don't have an answer. I can say that even though i feel a fear i have never known before i do feel stronger than i have felt before. I may still be in pieces from the shattering reality that i had cancer, but i am more confident than before that i will deal with whatever comes my way.

I don't have any wise words or knowledge to pass on. I just wanted you to know you are not alone and i understand exactly how you feel.

Just keep putting one foot in front of the other. I will send good thoughts your way.

Take care,

Gina