My last visit here was 9/25/05. After I logged off, I went back to Moms house. I was horrified at the condition she was in.
I could tell she relieved to have me there cleaning her up and getting the "crust" cleaned from her mouth/lips and gel applied to her HORRIBLE burn on her neck.
There was "stepfamily" involved who had suggested she be sent to a nursing home. That is why I hurried over to her home.

NO WAY! This was MY MOM and no one was going to do that to her (we had asked Mom in the beginning of her diagnosis (July 5th to be exact) of HER wishes and I was going to carry out her wishes if it killed me!)

After getting her comfortable and sleeping/painfree, I completly broke down in another room.
That following morning, Monday, I met with the Hospice nurse at Moms house. They immediatly ordered a hospital bed and all items that would be needed to help care for her in HER HOME just as she had requested.
The care and concern given from the hospice team was like no other I had ever seen in my life. But the reality was becoming even more clear, and I knew in my heart, I needed a chaplain or someone to come and give us some (me) strength to face this stage.
(This was just a personal need and I'm not trying to imply this is what one should do).

My daughter contacted my Brother in Phoenix cause she knew her mom (me) was about to break. Hospice also gave me litature on what stages to expect. With the bed being in the living room, I was able to stay at Moms side at all times and sleep by her on the couch.

The next day, Tuesday, my Brother sent in the troops to help us both. My sister in law and 3 neices. Which, had they not came when they did, I'm not sure how I would be today!
With hospice being invlolved, and help from family including my children, I was able to be her daughter again. We said I LOVE YOU to each other constantly as we both knew we would soon be departed.

On Wed. I had to let her know I knew she had fought as hard as anyone could and that I would be ok.. the family would be sure of that. (She had told me in hospital she couldn't leave her children yet).

By Thursday, she was not responding well and my husband, children and Brothers joined us at the house. Unlike being in the hospital, Moms family was allowed to surround her and display their love and say anything thing that needed to be said.
The litature hospice had given us was SO accurate of what signs to look for and to expect. I really believe it helped me to accept what was going on. Plus we had to call them several times and they responded immediatly.

On Friday, the nurse and chaplain came at our call due to no actual response from Mom. It became clear to me that Mom would not take her final breath while I was there. I believe she KNEW I would not be able to bear that...you see, I believe NOW that I have been in mourning since the day I heard her cancer was unresectable.

I again let Mom know that the whole family would see that I would be ok and they would take care of me. I also let her know I would see her later and I needed to go home and take care of some things that she had been aware of. My Brothers family stayed with her and him and I took the 2 hour drive to my house.

On Saturday Oct. 1st, the month of her birthday, We recieved the dreaded call that Mom had passed. My heart is broke but my Mom is no longer in pain.

I can't begin to describe how spiritual the last week of my Moms life was with all those who had surrounded us, but I believe this has helped over ride some of the grief I feel. I still have pretty hard days but I'm sure that will be that way for awhile.

I had requested donations to be made to this foundation and only pray some were.
In Moms honor, I just can't stress how important it is to advocate to people the importance of people assuring their family members get regular checks from the dentists, and other medical teams including scopes done by ear,nose throat specialists, EVEN and esecially if they have dentures!!!! What started as a "denture problem" for Mom ended in the final stage of her life.
May she REST IN PEACE!

SINCERELY,
Dee [img]http://[/img]