Hi, My Dad is having surgery in two weeks to have his entire tongue and half of his jaw removed due to cancer. He had mouth cancer three years ago during which time they removed part of his tongue and jaw. The surgery was successful, so he never had chemo or radiation, but he also never quit smoking. Now, here we are again only this time it is much worse. My Mom is so stressed, angry, upset, and depressed she doesn't want to get out of bed. Some of my brothers and sisters feel, "oh well . . .he did it to himself" and the others are trying to care for my Mom and Dad and maintain some order in their own families. Here I am 1000 miles away and not really knowing what to do to help. I am going home next week with my two small children so that I am there for the surgery and through the holidays, but everyone keeps saying to brace myself for what it will be like. My Mom keeps saying, "are you sure you can handle it?" I don't know! What will it be like? What can I do when I get there? My Mom seems worse than my Dad emotionally and she can hardly leave the house because she is so sick to her stomach. My Dad can't talk on the phone, but my sisters say he just keeps pacing the house all night long in pain. I don't want to go home and just watch all of this, but I don't really know what to do to help. Can I actually do anything other than be there to make things better?