Hi, My Dad is having surgery in two weeks to have his entire tongue and half of his jaw removed due to cancer. He had mouth cancer three years ago during which time they removed part of his tongue and jaw. The surgery was successful, so he never had chemo or radiation, but he also never quit smoking. Now, here we are again only this time it is much worse. My Mom is so stressed, angry, upset, and depressed she doesn't want to get out of bed. Some of my brothers and sisters feel, "oh well . . .he did it to himself" and the others are trying to care for my Mom and Dad and maintain some order in their own families. Here I am 1000 miles away and not really knowing what to do to help. I am going home next week with my two small children so that I am there for the surgery and through the holidays, but everyone keeps saying to brace myself for what it will be like. My Mom keeps saying, "are you sure you can handle it?" I don't know! What will it be like? What can I do when I get there? My Mom seems worse than my Dad emotionally and she can hardly leave the house because she is so sick to her stomach. My Dad can't talk on the phone, but my sisters say he just keeps pacing the house all night long in pain. I don't want to go home and just watch all of this, but I don't really know what to do to help. Can I actually do anything other than be there to make things better?

this is a tough situation. as a survivor, i can tell you that it meant alot to just have people there for me. the day of my surgery, i had a whole mob of relatives there. i didn't get to see them or talk to them, but it was a comfort to know their love and support was there for me when i needed it the most.

go home to your father and give him love and lots of hugs. just be there to provide support for all of your family. there is strength in numbers. just keep faith and hope alive in your hearts and you'll get through it. lean on each other. it sounds like you have a large family....take advantage of that. i know some people who had to go through this totally alone, and it really had a bad effect on them. your dad will feel the love from everyone and it will help him through.

i will pray for you and your family so that it all comes out well.

Thanks so much! I appreciate your input . . . my Dad's surgery is tomorrow morning and we are all thankful for that because he has had a rough few days. My Mom seems to be dealing with the stress better . . . I think the kids have been a good distraction for her and my Dad.

MY DAD ALSO HAD THE TONGUE REMOVED SO WE WISH YOU GOOD LUCK.