Neil and Candace, Welcome to the site. If you both have been "lurking", you have already gotten a chance to experience some of the benefits of the site, and that's a good thing.
Neil: We in South Florida had a very poor labor day weekend, thanks to a visit by Frances, right after her friend, Charlie had been by and now we have her other friend, Ivan to look forward to on this coming weekend so it should be less than fun also. However, that's enough crying about the weather. I had a stage IV tonsil cancer with mets to the lymph nodes and have survived so far (only 6 months since surgery). My treatment was tonsilectomy, chemo/rad, then surgery. By the time the surgery occurred, the tumor in the lymph node was so reduced in size, I only needed a modified right neck dissection instead of a major surgery including jaw removal and loss of use of arm which is what was once done according to my team. So whatever they tell your family member, the Anderson guys know what they are doing, so be as supportive as possible and he/she will make out as well as can be hoped given the team there.
Candace: Sorry about your brother. My cancer was in my tonsil, which is a little different than his, but the treatments are similar. Please remember that a lot of survivors of this disease don't read or contribute to sites like this as they are too busy living their lives and often don't contribute. At least, that is my unsubstantiated opinion. As far as risk factors and "God's that determine who lives and who dies" goes, I can say that I had many risk factors including smoking, drinking, lack of rest, and others, and yet I have been allowed to survive to this point and plan on checking out in 30 to 40 years, when it is my time. I have maintained a positive attitude during this disease and treatment primarily through my belief in a supreme being which allows me to concentrate on the details while He takes care of the plan for me. This is very positive for me and has helped me through some very rough spots. I understand you learning more about this nasty disease than you ever wanted to know, I think we all have. Meanwhile, I will pray for both of your family members and that each of you will be able to support them as much as possible.