Grace, it is HARD at this point, maybe as hard as it ever gets, because later you are going to be so busy just running to keep in place that you will get caught up in the daily tasks of making life happen.
It sounds like you are realistic enough to be worried about your children's future. That's a VERY good thing! Don't ever apologize to anyone for that. It's just being a good Mom!
It also sounds like you are strong enough to fight, so you will be strong enough to care when he needs you.
Take it in baby steps, one day, one hour, one MINUTE at a time, and you will get to the other end of this.
We're all on your side, this is the place to vent as well as being the place to come for information on what to expect, what is average (notice I didn't say "normal") and what is worrisome.
Hang in there!

Best wishes, Andrea