Hi all,

I quit cold turkey 9 years ago (absolutely broke and starving from setting up our own business), and survived quite well for a week until we had money. But then the dreaded psychological addiction was still there, and we started smoking Indian beedies (rolled up leaves with hardly any nicotine). The habit is still there, but one I do like about quitting the fags is that I can't stand the smell of nicotine, even from 100 yards away. I let my customers smoke in my studio (musos), as I still puff (trying not to - it's interesting how many times you make an excuse to go to the bathroom... :-) ) on my beedies. One good thing about them is that I can last for ages without craving a smoke, but it's still the psychological thingo (like when I am writing or doing my audio work, or after a meal).

My elder sister still smokes, although she stopped briefly after my diagnosis. Smoking is a very hard thing to give up, especially when you have been brought up in a smoking household/environment. I don't know whether to completely blame myself for my illness (although I do, and then I think I shouldn't put so much guilt on myself, I should just concentrate on beating this bastard), but I have a family history of cancer. My father was dead at 48 from colonic (I'm nearly his age), both grandmothers (breast and bowel) and one grandfather (smoker), plus various other relatives. I wonder how much is genetic, how much is self-inflicted, how much environment and how much from psychological dramas (had lots of those as a child). We'll never know, just luck of the draw. I know heaps in the music and arts industry who do much worse than I have, but most of them are cancer free. I still tend to blame myself (it's my usual inner "guilt" trip! :-) ), and I wish I'd never started smoking. My dentist sent a sympathy note, but then says in the other breath "you smoke". Why did he not notice the SCC or swollen lymph last year, just before I was diagnosed? (There was a post here not long ago about dental training in recognising such things, I think.)

All I can say is, I'm glad to have found this site, and everyone take care.

P.S. Has anyone noticed problems with eyesight since radiation?

Cheers!

Tizz (from OZ)