thank you for responding Kristen. I do not know or hope I ever know what it's like to go thru cancer so I'm not going to pretend it's no big deal but maybe some of this thinking is legitimate? I really don't know so that's why I put it out here. And you are correct, he is not mentally healthy. He grew up in an alcoholic family system...which I don't understand either.

He did say he doesn't understand why he survived. We had a friend I met 30 yrs ago this week on first date with husband who had passed away from pancreatic cancer and I'm sure that stirred up a lot of emotions last week. He hates his job and who he works with, etc. Then he turns around after being told he had a 90% chance of survival that he probably won't live more than 5 yrs. I'm done riding in a vehicle with someone who is willing to be risky. He says I won't get hurt because I wear a seat belt. Oh, who is going to control the vehicle when that air bag inflates. I"m sure this stuff stirs in his head, a head that has crazy thinking at times anyway. My DIL said he never went back on anti depressants after treatment. All of this existed before cancer. Nothing new here to see honestly.

So now, instead of wanting to work on our relationship, he is going to drive out of state to get a dog for himself. Sad. it's really sad. I'm a good person and truly have gone above and beyond for our children in so many bad situations that he has created for our family and it's hard for me not to be affected by someone accusing me of being a problem. I'm emotionally exhausted and it just continues.

Thanks to all that listen or read. Cancer is in insidious thing, it's not just cancer.