did anyone deal with death wish behavior? did you want to die even after you were well? i seriously do not get this thinking. driving without seat belt because it doesn't matter, wondering why he lived, lots of blaming me for feeling empty, talk of divorce. He already has a long history of depression but will only take anti depressants and refuses counseling because he has no deep issues to deal with. I appreciate any thoughts on this...it's not new for me but the death wish, risky behaviors, yeah, that's new.


Spouse of 58 yr old with BOT cancer
Stage 4a HPV16 positive
3 chemo treatments cisplantin
35 radiation treatments 7000 cGy
former smoker/chewed tobacco for 38 yrs.
1/2020 diagnosed with cancer near TMJ
4/2020 chemo 5 days every 2 weeks
6/2020 proton therapy
9/21/2020 cancer free