did anyone deal with death wish behavior? did you want to die even after you were well? i seriously do not get this thinking. driving without seat belt because it doesn't matter, wondering why he lived, lots of blaming me for feeling empty, talk of divorce. He already has a long history of depression but will only take anti depressants and refuses counseling because he has no deep issues to deal with. I appreciate any thoughts on this...it's not new for me but the death wish, risky behaviors, yeah, that's new.

He's probably not as well as either of you thinks. The treatment does a number on the mind as well as the body, and even though it sounded like he sailed through treatment, he may have suffered more than he admitted or realized at the time. Or maybe he thinks he shouldn't have had it that easy and does wish he was dead, who knows. If he doesn't want a counselor, you certainly can't make him go to one, but it would help if he was open to it.

You've mentioned a lot of problems with him. I think he DOES have 'deep issues' even if he doesn't know what they are yet. He hasn't sounded like a mentally healthy person, and this cancer stuff won't have helped.

((hugs))

thank you for responding Kristen. I do not know or hope I ever know what it's like to go thru cancer so I'm not going to pretend it's no big deal but maybe some of this thinking is legitimate? I really don't know so that's why I put it out here. And you are correct, he is not mentally healthy. He grew up in an alcoholic family system...which I don't understand either.

He did say he doesn't understand why he survived. We had a friend I met 30 yrs ago this week on first date with husband who had passed away from pancreatic cancer and I'm sure that stirred up a lot of emotions last week. He hates his job and who he works with, etc. Then he turns around after being told he had a 90% chance of survival that he probably won't live more than 5 yrs. I'm done riding in a vehicle with someone who is willing to be risky. He says I won't get hurt because I wear a seat belt. Oh, who is going to control the vehicle when that air bag inflates. I"m sure this stuff stirs in his head, a head that has crazy thinking at times anyway. My DIL said he never went back on anti depressants after treatment. All of this existed before cancer. Nothing new here to see honestly.

So now, instead of wanting to work on our relationship, he is going to drive out of state to get a dog for himself. Sad. it's really sad. I'm a good person and truly have gone above and beyond for our children in so many bad situations that he has created for our family and it's hard for me not to be affected by someone accusing me of being a problem. I'm emotionally exhausted and it just continues.

Thanks to all that listen or read. Cancer is in insidious thing, it's not just cancer.

talked with a spouse of a cancer patient at church today. surprised how much she goes through just like I did with the moods, rebellion, etc. I'm not going to live so.....kind of attitude. She broke down in tears when I asked how she was doing. I was asking because she went to same doc as my husband because dentist said spot on her throat looked bad....she's fine after many tests to verify it's something to just keep an eye on. Her husband is having a second round of cancer and he knows he will not survive these types of cancer so he has become more obnoxious toward her.

This is why I ask the questions I ask..might seem odd to cancer survivors but if you have not gone through it (thank goodness), you really do not understand what it's like and how the mind deals with the stress.

Doesn't mean I think these behaviors are acceptable though! No supportive person should be treated badly....but it happens.

This is very real! Head and Neck Cancer survivors have a high suicide rate! It’s not new, and information has been around for a number of years!

Today I was passing through some sites and came access this. I hope it helps!

“Head and neck cancer survivors have an elevated risk of suicide with a mortality rate of 24 suicides out 100,000 people per year. If you or someone you know needs emergency assistance, contact the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1-800-273-8255.”