Amy:
Your story sounds similar to mine except I was diagnosed at age 38 Non-smoker, non-drinker. My diagnoses was Stage I well differentiated, and had partial left glossectomy with 19 nodes removed. I was first seen by a oncology radiologist who suggested surgery instead of radiation. He told me if I had radiation and had recurrence of cancer in the future, radiation will not be a choice at that time. I felt better to go with surgery especially a radiologist recommended it. It has been almost 14 years since surgery and I never had second thoughts of getting radiation treatment. As far as the recovery from the tongue surgery, it has been a long slow process. Although my speach has recovered, but nerve of the tip of the tongue did not grow back completely.
I also felt why do bad things happen to good people and good things happen to bad people. I read a book by Bernie Seagal, MD and he described that bad people express their anger outward and good people keep the feelings to themselves. This really hit me hard since I tend to keep my feelings and anger to myself and try not to cause trouble. I read his books and listened to his audiotapes, and it really helped me during recovery. I also read a book (Getting Well Again) by Dr. Carl Simonton and Stephanie Matthews-Simonton that describes using guided imagery to develop positive attitude. It did not take the place of the medical treatment or surgeries, but it did more for me emotionally during the process.