Because he is struggling with constipation, everyone on the medical team thinks it is why his feeding tube bothers him and it has bothered him from day 1. I had noticed he was rarely going to the bathroom for several days this week. I haven't asked if the constipation is gone or not. He's sleeping most of the time and I just let him. I figure his body is trying to heal and weekends are a big break for him from treatment.

The ENT doc did tell me his stomach is full of marble sized cysts probably from years of taking prescribed meds for indigestion. They were not cancerous. But I can't figure how he could eat much from having probably 100 of those in his stomach. I saw the pictures from afar.

He does have the PEG tube. I just wonder if the above complications are an issue for not being able to keep much down. Not sure. That's why they increased IV fluids to 3 times a week though, he just can't get enough to stay down.

He has lost 30 lbs in 5 weeks. I don't know if that's good or bad. They are not concerned about it much. He started at over 300 lbs and while that doesn't matter really, he will not be skin and bones at this rate.

We do not have any nurses or anyone to check on him. We live 1 hour door to door from the cancer center. I know he calls them often about stuff and they tell him that it is going exactly as everyone expects. Of course, this is old hat to them, new to my husband so he worries.

My allergies have kicked in again. Not sure what is coming out of his body or respiration but my eyes have been matted shut the last 2 mornings. I apologized and told him I have to wear a mask around him. I can't pinpoint the allergen but it's most obvious there. With my long history of illness due to this reactions, I have to take care of myself. One of my friends commented on how sick I used to be...I thanked her for acknowledging that and saying I'm not crazy!

I notice he is up and about a bit more today probably from the radiation break and fluids yesterday. The past 2 days, I would look in and see him in the fetal position.

I have 2 real estate classes right next to his cancer center this coming week but I'm having a friend of his drive him those days so he can get home and get back into bed quickly. I just can't get away from driving to that very neighborhood in West Des Moines 5 days a week! I'm actually looking forward to listening to someone drone on and on about Law and Ethics for 2 days. Sad but I long for the days of a "normal" life again. I'm fortunate that some people on the private fb group have commented how they understand the difficulties of being a caregiver and I so appreciate that. I'm not dealing with the pain, but I am dealing with the stresses I don't even tell him about like my son whom I was close to calling me abusive for raising him in a Christian home. Really? 2 of my 3 children (1 living at home yet) have deserted me through this journey. My oldest is 31 yrs old and he has stepped up to the plate so I'm thinking it's the maturity level kicking in. Most people have no idea of how horrible all of this is for caregivers and patients. I did not buy a front row seat to this journey but I hope I take all of my learning/experiences forward to help someone else along the journey in the future.