Thank you for all the wonderful advice. I was concerned about the scheduling issue until we went to the oncologist's office this afternoon. He's the one who stepped in and got it scheduled for tomorrow morning. Apparently there was an issue with the insurance company and he knew how to make it happen. He made it clear that he wants to move asap, and also that he understands that telling somebody they get to wait another week to find out the answers we needed yesterday, just won't do. The fact that he seems to care about our plight made me feel better.
In answer to the question regarding the facility, it is the UT Southwestern Moncrief Cancer Center. They are involved with clinical trials and research, and their facility seems to include the major treatment avenues I have seen discussed here, IMRT, TomoTherapy and PET/CT Imaging. The oncologist, and I won't mention names as I understand that is a no-no, completed with a fellowship in Radiation Oncology at the University of Texas M.D. Anderson Cancer Center. They seem to staff a large number of cancer specialists from various fields, and from what I understand the conference where our case will be presented tomorrow afternoon will include a number of these specialists who aren't even our doctors yet.
If anyone has any comments about this facility I certainly welcome any input.
I'm sorry to go on so long, but we did go through a pretty big ordeal tonight. He suddenly decided for a while this evening, that he didn't want to go through any more. I know that may not make sense to most people, but, he has always been a man who has had an intense fear of needles and frankly hates doctors. I know, nobody really likes them, but he has a true aversion. It took a lot of what he called me really being an ugly word, to get him to commit to going through with the next few steps. He asks why should he go through this when he believes in the long run it will get him anyway. I tried to explain to him what I have seen here, that there are many people who have faced what he is facing and have come out the other side, looking forward to 5, 10 or more years of wonderful life. I threw every punch I knew tonight, but for a while I was afraid he wasn't going to budge. I even approached the subject that he might consider speaking to the counselor at the center and that was met with a very strong NO and that I was never to mention that again. I know based on some of things I've read here, that other caregivers have faced this type of response. But it is hard to fight his logic - it's his life and if he doesn't want to go through the pain - who is to tell him any different. I told him I was - and maybe it seems selfish, but I told him I thought he owed it to us, to me, to at least try - he knows he's not just my husband - but my best friend. I turned it around on him and said if it was me what would you do - of course, he says that's different. If he gives up, he dies, but if he gives up - I don't die - I have to live with it and I am not willing to do that.
Perhaps if some of you from the other side, could give your insight into what helped you decide to fight, decide to endure the pain and go on, it will help me know what to do or say to help him. He's only just begun, and based on the big picture, I know he hasn't been through a miniscule piece of the entire picture, so I know that tonight won't be the last of these battles. I found myself angry with him tonight, mad that he would even consider not fighting. Don't get me wrong, if the worst case scenario should come to be, I do understand his wishes to not pursue avenues that would only make the time he has left miserable. But I'm not willing to go there yet - until they can all tell me it's over - I refuse to give up - I just have to find a way to get him to refuse to give up.
Again, thanks for letting me bend your ear. Hopefully as time goes on, these epistles won't be so long. There just seems to be so much, so fast.
