Hello Loto19. It is such a scary thought isn't it. We here all know this.
Please try not to obsess over this or beat yourself up. It won't change anything at all.
When your mind goes to these dark thoughts, shout at yourself "Stop". Then immediately change your thoughts and thinking. A therapist gave me this tip and I found it worked really well for me.
Christmas time is such a busy and joyous time. Spend the time doing things with your beautiful boys. Keeping busy will help distract you from these thoughts.
January 4 th is not far away. Stay busy until then.
We have a saying here " it's not a cancer until a biopsy says it is". You are a long way from this currently. Good on you though for getting this seen to quickly.
Like Christine I'm hoping this turns out to be nothing.
My mantra is" Don't borrow sorrow from tomorrow " . Worry is such a waste of time..
I wish you a wonderful family Christmas and look forward to reading your updated posts. Fingers crossed for you.
Tammy

Caregiver/advocate to Husband Kris age 59@ diagnosis
DX Dec '10 SCC BOT T4aN2bM0 HPV+ve.Cisplatin x3 35 IMRT.
PET 6/11 clear.
R) level 2-4 neck dissection 8/1/11 to remove residual node - necrotic with NED
Feb '12 Ca back.. 3/8/12 total glossectomy/laryngectomy/bilat neck dissection/partial pharyngectomy etc. clear margins. All nodes negative for disease. PEG in.
March 2017 - 5 years disease free. Woohoo!