ALK, my heart goes out to you. I think you are suffering from a lack of information. You need the big picture and your doctors haven't given it to you yet. We feel powerless in the face of their expertise and sometimes they forget to explain everything to us properly.
The information people on this forum can give you is invaluable. Lots of us have been where you are. I certainly have and it wasn't until AFTER my first big surgery that I became properly informed. Learning about the gold standard treatments for oral cancer that might have spread to the nodes will help you accept the process: surgery to remove the visible cancer, radiation to kill stray cells and often chemo to help the radiation work. It's a tried and true method that has saved untold lives. Sometimes people have (chemo)radiation only but it all depends on the location and nature of the tumour.
We are here to help you get through this. Best wishes.