Tom,
Welcome to the site. It is great that you are 2 years out! Congratulations!!
I totally understand about not wanting to hope. After my surgeries, I didnt want to think about life. I was sure that I would never grow old, or see my daughter grow up. These feelings are getting better. I have tried to put the whole cancer thing behind me.
I think it is depression. You should talk to your doctor about getting on anti-depression meds. They helped me.

Mucoepidermoid carcinoma-intermediate grade. Removed 3/05. Additional surgery to get clean margins and selective neck dissection 4/05. 30 lymph nodes removed. All clear!!