I had a heated argument with my eldest son in the weekend. We were both swearing at each other in a way we've never done before (we're very well-behaved usually). He's furious with me for sitting back and waiting and worrying about my enlarged lymph node ultrasound. He doesn't know a lot about OC because for much of my struggle he's been in the UK. He was with me when I saw the ENT and didn't realise how significant an ordered ultrasound is even if the doctor says they're probably reactive. He thought I was shaken because the ENT said, when he asked her about my prognosis, that they need to keep a very, very close watch on me because I've had OC three times. I knew that, although she said it VERY emphatically. Anyway, when son clicked that I was on tenterhooks about the nodes (can still feel one) he tried to push me to email the hospital right away. I demurred and that set him right off - he emailed the specialist nurse - wants to know more and have the scan earlier - but I always just go with the flow and fret away at home. "I've had this for (swear word) 10 years with you, Mum!"

I feel regretful that none of my sons have learnt about oral cancer but I've never asked them to. My husband didn't either when he was with me. Those of you who have knowledgeable caregivers are very fortunate. My sons have such busy lives of their own that I can't really expect them to do the research. They ARE capable of telling me to pull my head in and be proactive with treatment but it would be better coming from a base of knowledge. Because I take different people with me for important appointments, no one person knows anything very much. I yelled at son, "What do you know about it, nothing!!" But in the end there were tears and reconciliation ... and lots of sympathy.

Do any of you have arguments with the younger generation who are less wary of demanding stuff from hospitals? Or is it just my generation of New Zealanders who are reluctant to make a fuss?