Hi and welcome to OCF. We wish you didn't need us but we're glad you found us. This is an extremely scary time for you both. No one is ever ready for this.

Firstly none of us here are doctors, mostly we are patients and carers, but we've all had our share of the same bumps on the road. As for the misdiagnosis I can only guess that the symptoms were pointing at an infection. There's not much to be gained in pouring over how you got here.

A few questions if thats ok. How old is your boyfriend? Did the doctors indicate what they think caused it? Has it spread beyond his mouth and neck? It sounds like they are holding chemo in reserve, is that right? They normally make a choice of two of the radiation/surgery/chemo and keep one in reserve.

Some general advice straight up. Be very careful what you get from the internet. You can scare yourself silly very easily and it is not helpful. The internet is good for helping you understand what the doctors tell you in the limited time they have with you. Use it to frame questions that you want to ask next time you see them. Get a notebook, write down questions, appointments, medications.

You'll get sick of suggestions to "stay positive" but a positive attitude, especially from you, is enormously important.