I know it's a mind blowing reality when it hits you. It's good your having your ct before Thursday then you will have some answers by then. Part of the trauma is the wait. And his secretary has likely never been on your position so she simply can't understand. My questions were how soon ? Every time I talked to one of my drs. It is superficial... 5mm is fairly small, but at the same time it's cancer and I had a friend in here (she's doing well btw) who also had a superficial cancer. Her dr. Did everything... Neck dissection even though nothing showed on the scan - one node was positive and had ECE (extra capsular extension) so he sent her for rads. A lot of drs would have said.ll clear scan no neck dissection - but hers had a feeling and he as right... Experience with this disease is very important when it comes to choosing a dr. I know it's not much help but look at it this way... It is what it is - you are going to do whatever you can to fight it. Educate yourself - and then do things you enjoy. Dont make this the focus of your life. Go for coffe or tea, visit friends live your life. Worrying will not change things - face what you have to when you have to and give the disease your attention when you have to but don't let it take any more of your joy. Hugs.. You will get through this.